Report

What was immediately apparent on this bit nippy Sunday was that we were playing a billion times better than last week, ah... do you remember last week. Immediately we attacked their final third with Carla intimidating their defenders and Nadia occasionally stamping on them. Nat and Jo were pumping hard in midfield full of mutual encouragement and positivity. We were the heart driving the team (fact!). On the wings the pacy Polly and mazy Mariah were carving up the pitch and it was clear in terms of speed and skill things were looking good for OAR.

And so this proved when Carla skilfully and effortlessly put us ahead. But there were no overzealous celebrations from OAR this time. Oh no. From last week we have learnt that an early Carla goal can be just as much a curse than a blessing (no offence Carla). Going ahead meant we had to be cool innit and fight fight fight.  While we were working hard as a team Croydon were busy gob gob gobbing, criticising our poor referee for almost every decision and just talking rather too much and not in a fun way, like we do.

As Jo made an amazing run down the left wing she could sense a presence behind her. The bull had once again invaded the pitch and it was charging straight for her. However fast she ran she could hear its pumping little legs and feel it’s hot snorty breath on her neck and she was scared. Unfortunately the bull went hell for (the) leather (ball) and splattered Jo on the floor. The result was the unleashing of a girly scream more girly than the most girly of girly screams. Said girly scream had two effects 1) we won a free-kick (hoorah) 2) Croydon Athletic now hated Jo for her fake scream. Now Jo knows how it feels to be Gareth Bale, despite the fact she is clearly more talented than Gareth Bale.

From the resultant free-kick nothing happened but we still played some hot stuff. Marian and her merry men, Lara, Amy and MV were all having absolutely crackers at the back. Lara who had tasted the rainbow before the match, and probably drank a few rainbow bombs too, was there, here, everywhere then there again. Booting balls while showing off her flexibility, yes she can kick herself in the head, one wishes she would do it more often.

Then after Nadia had finished mud wrestling she composed herself in a gentlelady like manner, moved effortlessly with the ball and unleashed an absolute humdinger of a shot bang into the top right hand corner of the goal. It was a classic and we now might have to plan our matches assuming that Nadia just might score in the future. It was full-steam ahead and 2-0 up we still had the majority of play. But we were still worried... oh so worried.

At the break, Marian reminded us to have fun while Nadia was all about having fun but a bit frustrated by a player who had fouled her and then walked away saying “Now that’s a foul.”  It is okay to blatantly fowl someone but they can’t go round shouting about it.

Amy who had done some sterling work in defence came on to make space for Resh. We were at the dreaded 2-0 point and were hoping that god was on our side (yes it is about god and not about our own ability, did you not know this yet?)

Although Croydon Athletic Motormouths did get themselves back into the match they still had Marian and Lara to contend with who used their bodies (‘but never their hands’ says Marian) to stop their attack from braking through. It worked until their attack broke through.

2-1! Drat! Please lord, NOT US!

There were twenty minutes to go and it was the crucial point in the match. But instead of our heads going down something remarkable happened and our heads remained up. Resh was making some vital clearances at the back, Nat Randall bossed the midfield with her sidekick Jo and Polly gave their winger palpitations with her endless and exhausting speedy runs. Remember Polly the rest of us have to keep up with you too, be a bit more considerate next time : P. Nat and Carla had a couple of cracks on goal and Nadia, who now thought she was Steven Gerrard attempted some outrageous shots that didn’t go too outrageously wide... obviously this was happened when she wasn’t kissing and making up with the people she had previously flattened. Hug huggy hug it is all okay now and we are friends woo hoo. Thank god for that.

With ten minutes left we were the ones under the cosh, facing 4,503 corner kicks in a row and remarkably not conceding from 4,503 of them. It was 'fast and furious' as David Cameron might say, and scrappy and at some points rather confusing but we managed to blast the ball out of safety time and time again. Sam was as brave and stoic as ever although seemed fazed by the fact she had only retrieved the ball once from the net during the whole game. Croydon Athletic were clearly tired as they had even stopped going on and on and on and one was even heard saying “we don’t deserve to win.”

And with that comment victory was ours and then when the whistle blew victory really was ours. Did we yelp, did we scream, nope – we are the modest model professionals, or more accurately were fecking knackered.  But I am sure you have all managed to have a moment of quiet reflection since and as your body ached in memory of the match you have let a modest little smile sweep over your faces. =D  


PPOM: Super-flexi made to fit Lara

Written by Jo